Sunday, September 16, 2012

My last week!

So, I was supposed to last six weeks at work, but after three weeks, I am done. The people I work with are wonderful, but the environment is not conducive to this pregnancy. I am stressed most days and by the time I am home with my Addie, I am in so much pain that I can't do more than sit on the couch. I want to hold these babies on as long as I can, and I still want to enjoy my time with Addie as my only child. I need to be home- good thing my doctor agrees!

And this week is a three day week! I am so happy to have Monday and Tuesday off. I love knowing I will be home to play with my baby, do laundry, vacuum, clean, and just breathe. Then I have to return to work, but I have hope the three days will be swift. I really hope so.

Now that I am stressing less, I am finally starting to really enjoy having the twins in my belly. I feel so blessed to be able to have our family and to give Addie siblings. I am especially blessed to have my husband. I know there are many women who are like me- they dream to be a mom one day. It is something I have wanted to be since I realized I had a baby sister. I loved being a big sister and loving her (or smothering her :)). But the one aspect of my dream that I failed to consider is the person I would be parenting with. The dad to my mom. After having our daughter, I cannot imagine having these experiences with anyone else than my husband. He is the perfect balance to my temper, lack of patience, passion, and goofiness. He is an amazing father and loves our baby with every fiber of his being- I could not ask for more. The experience of motherhood would not be as amazing (for me) had I not had him as my partner.

As I lay in bed tonight, I just thank God for all he has given me. I pray that my family only grows more beautifully with each day and again give him thanks and praise for what we have right now.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

I am miserable

Just an angry and unhappy vent....

I hate leaving my daughter everyday to go to a place that makes me physically ill.

I hate not being home to watch her, play with her, and feed her.

I hate being second guessed in all aspects of my life right now.

I hate hypocrites. I am surrounded by them.

Most of all, I hate that this job ruins my day and my mood. It leaves me with no patience because of the amount of pain I am in by the end of the day. As a result, I am too sore and too tired and too annoyed to do anything the rest of the night. And I am so sick of people who have never carried twins or ever had to go to work and leave their child acting like I am dramatic.

I could go on, but I know that this blog will just cause more issues for me because some people never bother too look at what they say or do and how that negatively impacts those around them.

Basically, I am so sick of all of this right now. I am at the end of my rope.